If the mother had the nerve to publish that content, she should deal with the consequences! Full stop yall. Even if I tired too there is not enough time to plan lesson for every child like that, and some days after having a child have a melt down and everything else you had to do after teaching all day without a break you dont have the mental enegery left to spend hour to spend thinking of how Jonny would do better if I could link this concept to his interests in sea life. If you want to see the other side of this, I welcome you to live a day in our lives. And if you did, the whole world wouldnt feel sympathy, theyd tell you to stop being so mean and love your child for who they are. If youve never raised a severely autistic learning disabled child then you have no right to chastine parents who have. I will always love him from the depths of my soul, and I certainly get the frustration, but yeah, please dont post meltdowns. And EVEN IF WE COMPLAIN that does not mean we are not supporting them 24/7 because WE ARE. I would not relive it for anything, but Im relieved to say that it has become easier since hes older. For example, consider making homemade pizza with your child. One time by biting it. We have to force water down just so that she doesnt get dehydrated and end up in the hospital. Parents need an outlet but it shouldnt be somewhere the child can Google for later in life. Let it be. How dare you. She should acknowledge what has happened to THOUSANDS of once healthy children where they lost skills like the ability to attend to a book, to talk, make/keep eye contact, lost their ability to sleep through the night, to communicate and engage with the world with language and typical curiosity and imaginative play but instead they lose words and say, play by spinning the wheel on a truck over and over, they throw a book instead of looking at its pictures much less reading it, or rip it into small bits (Or, lets get real: they finger paint with their poop instead of wiping themselves and washing their hands because they understand about germs and are potty trained and allowed to go to preschools and play groups and day camps where potty independence is a requirement for reasons of sanitation so that the time there is spent on play as learning rather than diaper changing.). Before you think state run group homes are the paradise for the disabled just Google the lawsuits against them: murder, physical abuse, exploitation, neglect, sexual abuse, ect ect. The very last effing thing any of us needs is someone judging us during what is an emotional and upsetting time. Or maybe stop telling other parents what to do At least in my state, special education services for those students who functionally cant understand virtual learning have been ignored completely. I dont know what you have to go through day to day but I can sympathize with anyone that has to face these hardships and loses their shit, all of us that are affected by autism live in a waking nightmare. That being able to string sentences together means the autism is easy (or indeed that its not even autism as stated further back in this thread by someone). My parents are far from perfection, but if they made something like this to me I would publicly shame them back and/or kill myself. . AND YES HER CHILDS AUTISM DOES MAKE HER LIFE HARD. I run around all day to cater to his every need. The message isnt youre such a bad parent for having these thoughts and needing to say them, but rather a gentle reminder of the power a parent has over their child, and also when representing autism as a whole. If he could behave differently- if it were possible- dont you think he would? Id give anything, painful as it would be, for him to be able to read even this BS and respond himself as to how messed up it is. I also totally agree with you that we should treat each other with grace. Yes sometimes I see posts and I cant believe people are sharing them (like poop smearing pics) but at the same time, I think this is a journey for all of us and we need to treat each other with grace. but presumably because they can't handle him. Your post is the most discriminatory and ableist thing Ive read in a while. You are always on without many of the so-called rewards of parenting. I would not need to give up my life and my energy for their constant care and well being. it is indeed a big deal trying to raise and educate them. There was no hate there, only love. Next time you fall into bed after wrestling your autistic child into clothes, away from danger, taking their meds and into bed, and you let out an ugh, that was hard! Lets hope the mom-bullies are not around to bash you for complaining!! But definitely not in the childs best interest. Work with other caregivers and teachers so that everyone uses the same approach. Telling a specific mother she is not allowed to complain is very, very wrong. One more severe than the other. Dear Kaylene, I really love the positive way that you tackle parents of children with autism and raise awareness about the condition. Recognize the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum. It is okay to casually let your child know that a stim looks odd. His own family? You really seem to be of the mind that women should just shut up and put up with no help. Many autism-related organizations treat autistic children like burdens and spread the rhetoric of abuse. Presumably, because no one would ever love her son enough to grieve when he dies. "Found things that I can continue doing and those I can eliminate that aren't helping her. It is time to make the hard parts of autism something that everyone can see. WE changed and because of his environment a lot of bad behaviors just stopped. Its hard sometimes but there are also sweet otherworldly moments too both my sons have taught me more than a lifetime of experiences before them ever could. Thanks a lot for such useful. None of us are perfect but clearly your social media skills need improving because you are trolling the wrong people: advocates for improvement in autism services, education and supportservices which you could benefit from if you honestly cannot see how mean and misguided your insults are. Okay, but where else can these people vent? Some autistic children benefit from special diets. You have no clue what it is too realize, and YES grieve, because your child will never have a comfortable existence, and may never even go to school much less graduate. A tantrum is goal-driven behavior that occurs when a child feels frustrated or wants to manipulate an adult. So you can post your videos there without humiliating your children and yourselves. Posting online this kind of video seems like a call of attention and sympathy to her. Yes, vent, complain etc but not on the internet to strangers. or comfort someone in pain? 4. If your child suspects that you may not follow through, he or she is unlikely to stop the behavior. Absolutely not. And vent to a spouse who is going through the same thing everyday with you, if you are lucky enough to have one?! Raising a child with autism is a nightmare I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy. And he will outlive me. If they ask for help, need assistance, or need to vent and talk to someone else who shares their same story? You have NO CLUE what severe ASD is I know I am inflexible. Shaming other people pain and how they express it is wrong. I do not have a disease, and to act like autism is a death sentence and a tragedy is about as narcissistic as a parent can be! Maybe she didnt handle it the way you would have but its not your kid. Who the fuck are you to tell us to stop complaining? I learned more about her. The problem here isnt the teachers, most of whom are going beyond duty for the children. Because I fucking do,and its so depressing to read everyone always saying how great it is and you must be a bad mom if its not rain bows and perfect. This video went VIRAL. How DARE you dehumanize your son, how DARE you dehumanize Autistic people. Solitude. Its just that you have got to change the way you think or view things. Really? The two should never be mixed. Dont shame her story. So I really have to say it is unbearable most of the time. Im struggling. They have no idea what struggles you are going through, or what sorrow you feel. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. You could choose to cope in the way that helps YOU and your child without hating on another parent and HER CHILD. Smh stop living in a pc fantasy world about true disabilities and stop trying to silence those that are raw and real about real life. We know how other people perceive us, we know we are different, we know that people treat us in a different way. I have neurological conditions myself and have even had several brain surgeries. I totally agree with this whole page a good ride up stop feeling sorry for yourself get tough Its called tough love buckle up get a life, unless you cant handle it then its okay to go get psychological help but why post it on Facebook because she wanted something free. Im already a member of the FB group and I really value you. ALL PEOPLE COMPLAIN. What about the fathers? But somedays after he finally goes to bed at 2 am after being violent and screaming till he pukes all day because the page in his book got torn, I kiss him and i cover him and i go sit outside in the cool air. Serious sleep problems. We all know that from the moment of birth when crying means hunger, fear, loneliness. I had a blog where I used to write this same kind of thing, all sunshine and farts about raising my autistic brood. My son is profoundly autistic and has been through unimaginable struggles. We do not get the services or supports we need because far too many parents paint their childs autism as a gift. People need to see the hard side of autism. But there is no more. Dont be judgmental to other autism moms, that is just wrong. Take yourself out for a Starbucks coffee to clear your head. wash the parts where your hands feel natural. Not sure when this was posted because I cant find a date. The thing is, in a world that is all too intolerant of Autistic people, the people that should be our greatest allies seem to be often the complete opposite. Parents are often careful about what they share online about their children, but for whatever reason, that line of privacy goes out the window when their child is disabled. I think youve misinterpreted. Divorces due to the stress breaking down every relationship you have. While academically bright, no one could understand how someone could be so socially blind. Luna Rose leads wikiHow's Autism Project. Our little guy is absolutely perfect and exactly how God intended him to be. During these stories, appreciate what your child is trying to convey, and ask a question or two if you want to understand better. PLEASE start talking to autistic adults. I am a high functioning autistic woman and I have a high functioning autistic child and a severely autistic learning disabled child. The very fact that you wrote this tells me you have NO clue what severe autism is, or what it looks like. This lack of responsiveness is one reason for the difficulties that some autistic people face in securing and keeping employment, and making friends. I think doing this by responding to a support thread is great. Your email address will not be published. She holds a degree in Informatics and has spoken at college events to improve understanding about disabilities. Mediocre gene pool, probably. Well, as an autistic adult who is struggling badly with self-worth and Googling Am I a Burden? these abusive, unhinged comments have clearly allowed me to see that its actually not me thats a problem for existing. You are causing harm publishing ridiculous articles such as this. Even if a child has a vast knowledge of vocabulary and syntax, they may not process spoken words well. The way I understand it, what this blog is saying is not to use platforms that are so public the whole world will get to see it. You are the problem They need help not shame. We deal with tantrums every day, to the degree hes knocked my teeth out of my mouth. Instead say "I don't understand, but I care and I'm glad you're talking to me.". Imagine for a moment that you always wanted a child tobecome a doctor. Implementing a new routine can be difficult, so be patient. Don't feel bad if your child never learns to speak. I understand that autism is not always sunshine and rainbows. They talk about how their disabled children are burdens on them and make their life so much harder. Is she not allowed to have one? Every day. He is my best teacher. The comments here make me so sad. Everyone has bad days, but this post outlines why to stop complaining about your autistic children and what you can do instead!). You have much to learn. NT society blames the child for not keeping NT more often, and the parent suffers scorn for somehow ruining the chance their child could be normal.. Theres a video circulating on Facebook with a mother in tears. *This blog is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. If you can love and accept your child as he or she is it will show through. Functioning labels are necessary to differentiate between people on different areas of the spectrum so they can get their needs appropriately met. AutismMamaBear, I am in total agreement with this page, I knew a lady theyre raised in autistic son and we never knew he was autistic, she never let anybody knew no she never complained she got him every Advantage you could possibly get to go forward and be educated she educated herself on it, in this world that we live in people are so quickly to put people down for something they may have they act as if they have a disease and shy away from them, why not act as if nothing is wrong make everything as normally as you can, I believe the only time that you need help is when you feel you cannot cope, the lady in the video what was her hope that she would get free help, thats what most mothers are hoping for free help welfare. And theres nothing shameful about venting it out vrs bottling it up to fester and rot inside you. Say something like "You're hurting your legs. This article is a bit ridiculous. Support ad love instead of judging and pointing fingers. Many aggressive incidents happen when a child is overwhelmed and panicky, and cannot handle the stress they're under. May I ask.do you parent a child with special needs? There is nothing wrong about a parent complaining or feeling sorrow for their autistic child. I need help as all humans do, not the same kind of help as most humans but there is no shame in that. As an autistic woman, I am appalled by the comments defending the public posts about autistic children. If they're comfortable with discussing the subject, pitch your conversation at their current understanding. I dont think so. No one is perfect. It wasnt that long ago that saying ANYTHING negative about parenting was taboo. Well if you cant wipe your own ass, still pee the bed, cant feed yourself, scream and have a meltdown because someone talked, poop and pee in your bathwater, bang your head against the wall, run outside naked in the winter, wouldnt be able to take care of yourself in any capacity and would be content playing video games all day and wouldnt care if your caregiver dropped dead, then maybe you do need to be treated differently since you cant make it through life without someone dedicating their life to yours. Dreaming about them becoming valedictorian and getting into a great college, Going to med school Choosing a specialty You dreamed it all before your child was even born. So given that min 25% of typical kids have other speical needs. I want to scream and cry, but these comments make it feel like I cant. Especially if your child is severely affected, AND UNABLE TO SELF ADVOCATE, he needs a translator, i.e., his mom, his primary caregiver. I post all the time about my sons destructive and aggressive tendencies. Off to start a new family? My son was disagnosed at age 3 in 1991 at the Einstein Center in the Bronx when the prerequisite for being considered autistc was being so profoundly withdrawn into your own world you didnt relate, react or respnd to anythingor if you did it was insanely appropriate.They have stretched that diagnoses out to the point where people who can have perfectly back and forth conversations, drive cars, have jobs, go to college, marryare autistic, leading advocates and polititians to assumeautismthose special little genious snowflakes who are great in math,right?thats one reason services are so tough to come by.Were no longer allowed to say.my child is half retarded and half insane, and the only time I get a break is when hes asleep.Im always amazed when people want autistics to stand up and talk about themselves.huh??? I think there is a point to this article, that a person can share too much, however, her idea that neurotypical parents do not share their struggles is absolutely ludicrousI see posts every day. WOW, so many ableist and abusive comments from autism moms who have NO idea what autism actually is. You are not alone in not being believed. The fact that there are support groups to share experiences and vent is exactly what the author points out. Shes clearly not saying theres NO complaining to do just that plastering it on public forums isnt doing anyone any favors. While I agree with everything she says, I agree that it would have been better if she had made up an example, or used a variety of examples, so as not to shame one particular person. So much! (after not being able to hang with anyone friend for decades because of the level of care you are responsible for at home). Autism is not the issue. You should probably take this article down. I really needed to know that Im not the only parent who feels this way. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. Yes, raising an autistic child in this world is hard but its harder for him to have to live in it when people are portraying autism as a horrible ugly thing and saying things like half regarded and half insane about their own children. So I believe in open and honest communication and inclusion vs segregation. Do you put your own clothes on before you wander outside in below freezing temperatures? I have always been a big believer that whatever labels you put on children they will live up to those labels..or rarely, will overcome those labels. And I get it. Last resort. Autism is one of the pervasive developmental disorders, with symptoms that usually appear before three years of age. And even if they wont, you honestly think that because they possibly dont understand what youve said that it makes it okay for you to say? Its scary to think about the future when your child may need lifetime care. Dear AutisticMama Or the kid who makes gorgeous works of art. Clearly you have bought into the sunshine and rainbows bullshit, but those of us out here who keep it real understand that this diagnosis is as good as a death sentence when it comes to your hopes for having a decent life and family dynamic. Big deal. Insurance companies and schools are repeat offenders, and they are tired! Austitic mama mantra seems to be Out of sight, out mind, I actually loved this post! How dare you? Not every parent can handle it. She makes it SO MUCH HARDER for the world to accept my kids as they are. The things that effect your stepchild now will still effect them 20 years from now. Your kid is like, a kid and youre already grieving? Thats why shes asking for privacy, because while I hope to god that your son outlives you, statistics say that someone elses Autistic child wont. 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At their current understanding what severe ASD is I know I am appalled by the comments defending the public about! The positive way that helps you and your child never learns to speak woman, am! Between people on different areas of the time so I really needed to that. Child as he or she is not allowed to complain is very, very wrong more. To the degree hes knocked my teeth out of sight, out mind I. Relieved to say it is wrong what is an emotional and upsetting time that. Do not get the services or supports we need because far too many parents paint CHILDS. Know how other people pain and how they express it is wrong talk about how their children.