Childcare is unaffordable or unavailable, and in a survey by McKinsey & Company, 34% of mothers cited childcare concerns as . thank you for writing tips on coping. The study found 17 percent of women experienced anxiety. A more upright position makes it easier for the milk to go "down the hatch.". Try different positions 5. we spend so much time with our babies, i think its natural for them to pick up on our vibe. I have a 15 month old son who has been choosing my mother in law over me since he was probably 8 months old. I am not defending what the babys mom did. Especially living in India just because the Home Office is not convinced I?m married and have a son. I hope what you said is true and its just a phase. she fetches her from pre school to be with her , she does mind going with him but when im there , she even cries, she can take anything that he bring her , bt wont allow him to hold her or talk to him. I have stopped taking leaves when my baby falls sick because my MIL is all that she needs and all that I end up doing is washing the diapers and cleaning the house,cooking. Im a married mom with a 14 month old son who is obsessed with his dad and treats me like garbage a lot of the time. 1. Babies and moms dont automatically bond; just like anyone else they need to spend time together. I am searching high and low for a place away from her. This way, your daughter will get much more time close to you. Here is the background: Ive been dating my boyfriend for over a year but knew him and his daughter since she was 8 months. Then she totally ignores me and even if I try to play with her she ends up going to my mom. I have been her sole provider since then, her father and I are no longer together, though she sees him often, but she seems to recognize him and holds her hands out to him and is so happy when he comes. It hurt me so much, I feel as if lm not doing enough. I am also the sole breadwinner in my family. A baby or toddler may react by rejecting a parent after going back to work. I just persevered like you, and it really did get better. But I really found some comfort when I found this thread and read about other parents similar experiences. I miss my baby terribly. Both my husband and I made it a consistent schedule just for her.When connection is bad, we utilizd the phone and made a very short international call where he wd talk 2her and we get to sing our song together. I feel robbed of the moments that I didnt get to enjoy with him, she pushed to give him his first bath and has done so much as she says she is helping. My 9-month-old daughter has started recently. for a couple of hours, she just hugged me while eyeing him and after accepting the fact that daddy was really there in person, she just went 2 daddy like he never left. I have a 16 or 17 month cousin, but she calls me Mom! This has been completely devastating to me. You are only passing through this valley and nothing ever stays the same. why does he do this?? Thats good too; try to see that. ), are hard-wired so to speak to love their mothers, absent significant abuse and/or neglect. I am a stay at home mom and breastfed for 6 months and he still preferred his dad. That is wonderful for your little daughter! In any event, what helped me was to actively and often affirm to myself that I am a GOOD mother. It took effort from all of us to get to where we are now, but forgiving each other and moving on as responsible adults to give our boy a good life, is one of the best things Ive done in my life.). I have 7 month old baby girl and she is not at all attached to me. Disguise the bottle. These little fellows are learning that they are separate persons from mom, which they didnt know before and they find it very scary. He is adorable such an angel baby, doesnt cry unless hungry, sleeps all night from 3 months, ready with a smile. I have a 11 month old little girl. I often feel that I could leave any day, never to return and my daughter would never notice. No phone, no computer, no cleaning, cooking, working, or thinking about other things. But if we can handle it as adults, and give our children both love and space no matter what, I am certain that our long-term relationship AND bother their and our personal development will benefit. It is not uncommon that a baby has periods of preferring one parent over the other, but it can be a bit of tabu and maybe something that people avoid talking about as if the rejected parent is doing something wrong. I am depressed. I have come on to this site to read these postings a couple times over the past couple months and while I am relieved to see that I am not the only one, I want to know why this is happening? On weekends when where around my parents she wants nothing to do with me and just wants my parents. Take her to a playground or to watch the dogs in a park or whatever she might enjoy. Try to stay bright and relaxed, it really WILL get better. When my husband comes home she runs to greet him. However, since you have only been her mother for 1 week and a half, it is too early to start worrying about the bonding going wrong. Stroke baby, talk to baby. Here are three women on how they felt: Mom 1 shared that during the first pregnancy, she stayed at home for the first nine months. Mostly because he or she is a baby who really has no idea what "work" is, but also because you're a good mom who loves her baby no matter what. Sigh. She wouldnt even look at me when I tried to comfort her. Thankfully he still paid her Iphone, so while she decided to turn it on (of course she couldnt be without it) we were able to track her location and after a month and another court order we got her back with us 100% full custody. ), Secondly, consider planning for some fun time together during the weekends (like you already do). But she preferred to be cuddled by my mom instead. Try to reach out to your mom and ask for her help. This hurts so much that I cant help but cry. But sometimes it seems like I dont even compare to Grandma!! But in your case, I would say that this is not a relevant worry! going to bed, having her diaper changed, eating (weve had problems with her wanting to eatanother issue entirely), etc.). If it is fairly new maximum 1 year or so what is going on is actually a completely natural development stage in your daughters life. Regardless of how strong the bond between your and your daughter is today, and the reasons for the situation, if you continue to love her and spend time with her alone and with other, things will improve. She Fuses at me and doesnt smile at me and fuses and gets mad in the morning instead. This is quite common at around 1 year old, and can sometimes last until around the second birthday. And if your having trouble bonding with your child, and he/she is old enough to understand then sit them down and explain you are their mom and you love them, hug them, play with them and be involved with them on how you feel. 8) Life is hard for everyone, working moms included. And 4those who is far away, utilize whatever technology available 2 you 2 stay in touch to you little ones. 1. My baby is now 10 months today n when daddy comes home from work he just want to be with him i reach my hands to him n he doesnt want me to carry him but if my husband goes and trys to get him he automatically goes with him:'( im feeling really down But when daddy goes to work is different he wants me but it seems that is only choice he has .. This still happens when, for example, he seems disinterested in me when I pick him up from daycare. Seems to be a bit of a pattern in the posts that I have read from you all. I dont work and both me and her dad at home with her. But those 6 weeks were rough for everyone involved, and baby's gotta eat! My Mil also doesnt treat me well and still my child goes to her unknowingly. i feel so alone and depressed. I feel rejected by my man, I have asked many times why? Not that your girl has bonded too much with your mom; it is actually great that she feels safe with grandma too, but that you feel that you need to work on your relationship with your daughter, since you are away from home and work. Hello everyone i am a stay home mom from the day my baby boy was born i do EVERYTHING for him!!! but around the age of 8 or 9 months she just would prefer other peopleshe would go with anyoneI was hurt and devastated. If Im holding his hand, he lets go to stand at their legs and fuss until he is picked up. I am a social worker and therefore I know all about attachment patterns and I just cant work this one out. It may take a few tries for that method to work. I am so sad. Sometimes I think having two woman caretakers might confuse her and therefore not recognize my role as a mother. Yes, I believe he should be happy, but I stop him from doing things that will lead to undesired future habits and behaviors. My mother says she must feel secure with me and to be happy she has such a good relationship with her fatherand I am. Anyways here is the question: The childs mother wants to see her but obviously we are afraid shell take off again. This is the age when separation anxiety and stranger anxiety may come in full force. When I travel, we try to do video webcam at least once in two days when possible to stay in touch. In fact, seems to be a little bit of a common trend in babies around this age. Ive read what Paula has said many times about the excitement of being with someone different and I understand. Now at 10 months old, she treated me with the same fondness and love that she had showed my husband during her early months. Is soo upseting bcuz this just sterted like a week ago befor it seemed that i was his everyhing he lovedd to be with me! I am so in love with my son but am so heartbroken by this! Or maybe you will visit your baby at their child care provider during your lunch break and breastfeed. i also wrote here several months ago. It makes me feel that its just a natural thing for some children to have a preference, but I hope it is just a phase cause I cant cope with it. do my twins love me less? And I was the one at home. Usually at this age, making sure that your child isnt doing anything dangerous (swallowing things, climbing too high, running out in the street, biting himself or other children et cetera) is more or less enough as an ambition. If this has happened to you, you might be sad, worried, and frustrated. lying down or the underarm hold). I feel terrible when I get home from work and reach out for her and she doesnt want to come with me, we have so much fun together! First of all, I think you should try to talk to your parents about how you feel and that you need their help. Our little boy went through a 5 week phase when he was about 9 months old, where he really preferred his daddy over me. Shes the most amazing thing in the world. I am also one of the sad moms whose 17 month old daughter doesnt seem to like her mother. He loves her and often she is so mean that he gets his feelings hurt. Being parent to a toddler gives us fantastic opportunities to develop our creativity! Sometimes in 1-2 minutes. The other important thing is to protect your supply. Getting the Right Child Care. Feed your milk to your baby. He goes to grandma no matter what but me no its very hard not to get upset but I cant even write a sentence without crying now. One thing's for sure: he wants nothing to do with you. But unless one is emotionally stable, it can be almost impossible. I love my child more than anything in the world and I hope that she knows it. It was really tiring for me cox this were the time of her age when she only wanted her daddy. She is very happy when she sees mom, the nanny or either sibling but seems really scared and just screams if I so much as walk into a room where she is (and Im not kidding). Her grammy says when either their head or tummy is hurting they dont want their mama, but this really concerns me because of how awfully loud she screams. Please help! I would give up my job in an instant if I could but we simply cannot afford to do this as we also look after my father-in-law and every penny is needed. But they are so devoted to my daughter that she simply loves being with them. My partner has always spoilt her by carrying her around on his hip what seems like constantly, so when he comes in from work she is happy and smiley and wants him to cuddle her and pick her up and she wont even look my way! During the COVID-19 pandemic, the number of women in the workforce fell by 500,000 more than men.And in early 2022, Deloitte reported that 53% of women had higher stress levels than the previous year. by Margaret e Jacobsen. I take care of her so nicely and to the best of efforts but she doesnt like me. Thank you very much for the clarifications. Am a single mum living with my parents. It hurts to see my mother be the preferred one when I try just has hard to be noticed! This was very hurtful to me, in fact, I cant even articulate how painful it was. she is taken care by my husbands mother . i try to spend the most of my time with her but maybe its not enough, i wish i knew where i went wrong. Sometimes, even when shes just playing on the floor or walking along furniture, and Im just walking past her, she tries to run away from me. But when she shows me something I tell her to show her mommy, and guess what, she shows me it again. Quick message to Laura- This means (in your daughters case) that only dad will do, that she might express that she wants to marry dad and that she might protest violently if you and your wife kiss, for example. Very hard, even. blessings to you all. I am super worried about our long term relationship and bonding. Hes happy all day till grandma gets here (everyday) she comes by and plays with him for 1-2 hours and then I go to get him and he wont even put his arms out to me! I cant stop crying. First, identify why your baby might be refusing the bottle. My daughter is now almost 10 months old and cries even when I walk by. You need to try to get rid of this guilt in your heart! Eventually they will come to you, you just have to be present, consistent, loving and available. During these 15 minutes, focus only on your son and on showing him interest and love. Please help if you have passed this phase. He will go to Nursery without a second glance and to any family or friend without so much as a look of concern over to me. Pin it or frame it at a place where you can give a quick look. Well, it of course depends on the situation; if the mom and baby live together and have had the possibility to develop a bond, and so on. May I ask how your relationship is when dad is not around? But the emotional part of me feels devastated. The internet has slammed an expectant mom after she rejected a handmade gift at her baby shower. Hope this gives someome some encouragement Things really do get better with time. please help im worried that she might endup hating him. That does NOT mean that the baby doesnt love dad (or mom in your case), but simply that she is a developmental stage where she mainly can handle showing love to one person at the time. I just want to know what is going on with my child and why she is acting out like this. She is the GRANDmother, not the mother. Since your baby just recently started to reject you, you dont have to worry about the overall bonding with your baby. Unrequited love hey. I?m thinking to move away from his grandparent so that they can only visit from time to time, but I?m worried it will affect him. i am a younger mother who still lives with my mother. She LOVES daycare and when I pick her up, she cries because she doesnt want to leave. Now a days she refuses my breast feeding. I had to start work when he was 3/4 months and I was busy doing other thing before I guess looking back at it now it was just so I do not fall into depression. Even though i always play with him and tell him stories and sing to hime and he always sleep holding his hands around my neck . Frankly, Im glad Im not the only one in the world who is going through this. She is not a competitor and never will be only you are his mom! I just want to know what I am doing wrong, so I can change it. The child speaks to everyone on the phone but once she hears its her mother she goes hysterical. I want to tell you: this will pass. If possible, try to be at home alone with your daughter too. Then, regardless of if she wants to go to dad, grandma or the neighbour later on, you can hopefully rest in the fact that the two of you have had a fun, loving day together. I get upset and I feel so rejected, It hurts to feel unloved. Is my life set for me, and I meant to be rejected by everyone. I have 11 month old baby and until 3 weeks ago I was 24 hours with him. I know that it is tough to be rejected and that it is really hard to not take it personally, but try to just love her even more when it happens both for your own sake and her! I never had this difficulty with my older two children (now 6 and 3) and they both deeply love me and enjoy my company (even though I am the disciplinarian). I have to give her a bath, I have to brush her teeth, I have to feed her, I am the only to play with her and I am the one to read bed time stories. I am in the same boat. The comment that bothered me if the grandmother taking over being the mother. In fact its more mummy than daddy, and my husband is a little bit jealous of this. I am the one who always has to make contact if I want to see her or my grandkids. It won't be easy, but working with dad to share the load becomes much easier. His mother lets him do what he wants when he wants while Im at work, so I have no say so in the fact. my love for her isnt based on her feelings for meeven though reciprocation would be nice. It really hurts me. If she can crawl, chasing each other might be fun. For example, dinner time could be a point in time where after your mom stays away from your daughter as much as possible. If your baby is upset, she will likely begin to calm down. Yeah, as you can see, it is common! Let's look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! She wants me over anybody except when they are around. Those five weeks where he preferred his daddy over me where the hardest things Ive had to face since becoming a mum. they dun even let me held my gal after my day of wrk. I breastfed for the first four months, and we definitely bonded. I am not a horrible mother, in fact I am a stay at home mother. Your daughter is going through her first life crisis adapting to the new situation. Even when I say hi or try and pick her up and kiss her, she doesnt want anything to do with me. He does, I know. When he was about 10 mos, I went back to work f/t. Just today, my mom was over and when she left, my son just wailed. The Reddit . Im assuming this is not the case with you, obviously. But again, to keep you in their minds even when youre not there, both recordings and video conversations might be good. You sound so sad and worried and writing the first few months were black makes me suspect that you were (and maybe still are) suffering from a postpartum depression. I feel to so down at the min that Ive been thinking of running away and letting him have the kids while I start again somewhere else, they never want me anyways so doubt they would miss me (my son is now 4). You can implement routines that only you and your daughter do together, such as an evening bath and bedtime story (if that is something your daughter enjoys). Ive actually read about spending the 15 minutes with your baby as Paula posted to Laura previously. My daughter is my first child and I have waited a long time to have her. I have no idea what to do I play with her, I am the person that teaches her everything she knows, I am the one who gets up in the night to comfort her, I am the one preparing food and doing all the motherly things that need doing cuddling and playing but she still doesnt want me most of the time. And when I get her home she ignores me. But Im glad that there are a few comments from parents with 4 and 5 years old with the same concern. I just googled and found this website.. and saw I was not alone. Honestly I dont know what to do and I am tired of my ex making me feel horrible each time he says she doesnt want to leave or having it written up in court papers thinking there is abuse. What he really needs might be to have more fun and more time with his dad. the other thing i discovered is that she is often reflecting what my own personal mood is. But he just doesnt seem to need me. Recently, its really been getting to me. i feeed her ok but after a feed she now just turns over away from me. Got evicted but he had offered to take his daughter until the mother was able to get back to her feet because enough is enough with this woman. But she adores my husband (and he hardly spends any time with her at all). Very scary! It is a relationship that binds every human for their whole life. you. That doesnt mean that he doesnt love you. Is that true? So they want to carried around the clock, wont play by themselves, cant be handed over to anyone else but mom or possibly dad without screaming like there was no tomorrow. Take heart, dear parents. What can be more motherly than to love a child without any reinforcement, without any reward or return? Mom gets into the bathtub, full of warm (not hot) water with baby. I am pretty much in the same situation as most of you are, except the only difference is that my inlaws live with me and i work full time so my daughter is with my mother in law 8hrs of the day. Also, these young children often still have a great need to be close to their parents physically. I would hate for it to be the opposite. I am just saying that even the most reasonable people some times do extremely stupid things in separations. And being the preferred parent often mean bouts of guilt (like you feel), exhaustion (because you never get to rest) and trying to be supportive to the other parent. Newborn Baby Rejects Dad. I play with him when all I want to do watch TV or take some time to myself. i am a working mom. Third, it gives you a possibility to do something else than taking care of your daughter. bottomline she just wanted my husband.I guess having 2get through a c-sect, my gets 2spend more time with our girl. Instead of turning your relationship into a power struggle, (trying to make him say mommy, for example), be proud of how much you have helped him to grow already! We now understand that this is just a phase and will follow through on your suggestions, Well i am very upset these days my problem is when i use to come back from home my baby didnt comes to me he goes to everyones hand except me i use to cry at night daily of this reason i have fear that he will forget me forever and the attachment will not develop between me and with my baby in 24 hrs he use to come in my hand for only 1 hr.Will my baby forgets me forever or will not i use to wait daily for him at office to meet him as soon as possible but he doesnt gives any reaction to me when i come to home,i am very tensed please give solid solution as he is closed to his grandma and with my brother-in-law. He has always preferred my husband I too have PND but I feel the fog lifting and now I am not sure if I should see anyone or not. This is even almost causing friction between mom and I because I try to spend time with my daughter anyway and she just screams and mom wants me to just leave her alone. This is my second son who is 8months and I feel me and him bonded great till a month ago and my husbands work schedule changed he is home all day I cant even get a second without him around and when he leaves the room our son fusses and tries to getaway from me I took him in another room to get some time with him he jus screamed and finally ate and went to bed I am very scheduled till few weeks ago, my husband is very not. there were times that she slept with my caretaker before i got home to take her to our room could it be this? I dont know what to do, I feel desperate. Its just that when my husband and i decided to start trying for another baby i quickly had changed my mind and decided i wasnt ready yet and that i was content with it just being me, my husband, and our first son, but it was too late and when i decided to not try anymore i already conceived. me and my partner were separated for awhile while i gave birth and then 7 months after that could she be missing my parents who are in a other country or is it something else. In the final weeks of your maternity leave, try to find some time to get out on your own for a few hours. Talk to your employer to determine the frequency and length of federally-protected pumping breaks. There is simply no replacement for a mother, period. I cant seem to find this answer. Feeling rejected and unloved from my only daughter is really sad and depressing. If anything, it will harm the situation more. I understand how worried you are, especially since you are expecting a second child in two months. If he is upset, he wants his daddy to comfort him, not me. He says I can go away and wants to stay with daddy. Hi, mummys! And as being the preferred caretaker at the moment, your mom can help you a lot by firmly handing over your daughter to you at certain points. his grandad really does spoil him buying him everything thats going, he has to buy him something no matter where he goes & now grandad has turned round & said he wants money for his birthday so he can buy him & my son something for them both to play with. He no longer cries for his daddy, scrambles over me to get to his daddy, forgets about me once his daddy gets home and is really happy to cuddle/kiss/hug me just as much as his daddy. To make them as comfortable as possible with you, have you tried recording lullabies or small stories that they can listen to when you are not around? i feel so usless at the moment, i have a 5 month old daughter who in my mind hates the bones of me, as soon as her dad wakes in the morning to go to work she screams the place down for at least 3 hours,i just cant do anything to calm her down, when i finally get her settled again i just find my self breaking down in tears infront of my 2 year old son, he gives me a big hug and tells me that he loves me, i feel like i am doing everything on my own, my partners mother only lives round the corner but she is as helpful as a glass hammer, she has my partners 2 sons from his ex partner every weekend but she wont do with my daughter, my parents help me as much as they can, but they also have jobs to do. I might as well try to change my perception of what is happening. I have a 14.5 month old baby girl. If I feed him, he fusses, straightens. I have also now noticed that she is being the same with both grandmothers, neither of which she sees more than once a week, If I take her off them she cries and goes to them when she is scared etc even if I am next to them. Everyone eeps telling me that he loves me and he did miss me but it doesnt feel like it. this is just a phase. You havent ruined your baby with your sadness. Secondly, your daughter does not hate you. I even think sometimes grandma secretly enjoys doing this to me. My 5 year old son rejects me. I am not working and its just because of her that i am not working. If Im the only one home she wants me, but if dads home, its mommy who? This really hurts my feelings since I do everything for her, I want to hold her and play with her so bad but so often she rejects me. Am a social worker and therefore not recognize my role as a mother, in fact I am just that... No cleaning, cooking, working, or thinking about other things baby just recently started to reject,... 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